How to Love - Seeing the Unseen

Because sharing is caring. Someone DMd me this question and I feel like the answer benefits more than just them <3 #TraumaInformedLifeCoach #PsychoTherapy #CBT "Hello, You commeneted on one of my posts and i wanted your opion; How do I have a relationship with Jesus if I don't know how to have relationships on earth No parents abandoned Adopted family never saw me as family I feel guilt for.being mean before actually caring deeply for someone Please don't judge im just trying to learn how to "love" someone i can't see."


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Beloved, your question is deeply sacred, because it holds within it the ache of the human condition—the desire to love and be loved, but feeling disconnected from it.
First, know this:
💛 You are not alone in this.
💛 You are not defective.
💛 Jesus already knows your struggle and meets you exactly where you are.

So let’s walk together—both biblically and psychologically—through this healing journey toward understanding how to love Someone you cannot see, when love itself has been distorted in your life.

Trauma in relationships, especially abandonment and rejection, impacts how we perceive connection. When you've experienced love as conditional, painful, or nonexistent, your brain protects itself by learning:

• “Relationships are unsafe.”
• “I am not wanted.”
• “Love is something I must earn.”

This isn’t something you consciously choose—your nervous system hardwired these beliefs to keep you from further hurt. And this is why trying to "love Jesus" might feel foreign or even impossible—because your mind is interpreting God the way it has experienced people.

But here’s the good news:
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
Jesus sees where your heart has been shattered. He is not standing apart, demanding love from you—He is already holding space for your pain, ready to reveal what love actually is.

One of the deepest wounds of abandonment and rejection is the belief that love must be earned. When you've experienced parents who left, families who didn't embrace you, and a world that didn't seem to hold you as you needed—your heart naturally wonders if love is even real.
But Jesus operates on a completely different kind of love than what this world has shown you.

“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
This means:

• Your love for Jesus isn’t something you must force or manufacture.
• It begins with experiencing HIS love for YOU first.
• You don’t have to “do” anything to deserve His love—you only need to receive it.

💛 Love is not a transaction. It is not earned. It is already given.
And if this feels impossible to believe, that’s okay. Healing starts with just allowing the possibility that this love exists, even if you can’t feel it yet.
You Have Already Met Jesus—You Just Didn’t Recognize Him
You might be wondering: “How can I love someone I cannot see?”
But what if I told you that you HAVE seen Him—you just didn’t recognize Him?

Jesus told us exactly where to find Him:
“Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for me.” (Matthew 25:40)
Think back to **every moment someone showed you kindness—**even if it was small.

• A teacher who saw potential in you.
• A stranger who smiled when you felt invisible.
• A moment of beauty in nature that felt like a whisper of hope.​

💛 Jesus was there. 💛
You may not have recognized Him because pain teaches us to dismiss love as coincidence—but He was always loving you through others, even in ways you didn’t expect.

If you want to learn how to have a relationship with Jesus, start by looking at the ways He has already been loving you.
Learning to Love Starts with Learning to Receive

You said something powerful:
“I feel guilt for being mean before actually caring deeply for someone.”
This is profound—because what it tells me is that your heart wants to love, but fear and self-protection rise up first.

This is how trauma works:
💔You learned to guard your heart because it was not safe to trust.
💔You distanced yourself before attachment could hurt you again.
💔You felt guilt because your heart actually does want to love, but it’s fighting against the fear of being let down.

So here’s the truth that will set you free:
✨ Love is a process, not a performance.
✨ You are already loved—even in your struggle to receive it.
✨ Healing comes in learning to let love in, one small step at a time.
Relationship with Jesus Is About Trust, Not Feelings

Right now, you might not feel connected to Jesus. That’s okay. Feelings follow trust.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

A relationship with Jesus is built the way any trust-based relationship is: 🌿 Consistency (showing up, even when it feels awkward). 🌿 Vulnerability (being honest, even when it feels messy). 🌿 Patience (giving yourself grace in the process).

Just as you wouldn't expect to immediately trust a person after years of being hurt, your heart needs time to learn to trust Jesus too.

The Healing Practice – Start Small
If this resonates with you but feels overwhelming, start here:

1. Ask Jesus to Show You His Love in a Way You Understand
If you don’t know how to love Him yet, that’s okay. Instead, ask: 💛 “Jesus, show me Your love in a way I can receive.” 💛 “Reveal Yourself to me in a way I will recognize.”
You don’t have to force belief. Just ask. And then watch. Love will come through unexpected moments—pay attention to them.

2. Talk to Him the Way You Would If You Weren’t Afraid
If you’ve never had a safe parental figure, it makes sense that talking to Jesus might feel foreign. So be real with Him.
💛 Tell Him your doubts. (“Jesus, I don’t know how to do this.”) 💛 Tell Him your fears. (“I don’t trust love because love has hurt me.”) 💛 Tell Him your hopes. (“I want to know what love really is.”)
Jesus never turned away the broken-hearted. Not once.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
You don’t need to come to Him fixed. You come as you are.

3. Start Seeing Jesus in Everyday Moments
Since you have already met Jesus through people, begin looking for Him now.

• Every act of kindness.
• Every moment of peace.
• Every time something stirs hope instead of despair.

Jesus is already breaking through the noise, whispering, “I am here.”
You asked: 💛 “How can I love Jesus when I don’t know how to have relationships?”
The answer?

🌿 You don’t have to “figure it out.”
🌿 You don’t have to force yourself to feel something. 🌿
You simply have to allow Him to love you, and let that love teach you.
“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
You are already His. You are already seen. You are already held.
Let love teach you what love is. One day, your heart will awaken, and you will realize—it was always here.

💛 You are not alone. 💛 Thank you for entrusting me with your heart.
Be Love and Be Loved, Beloved.
​-Mama Missy