Dear Little Bird

Dear Little Bird,

Today is your birthday!  Your 5th birthday! And on AWESOME day even.  I can hardly believe it.  You know, when we met you had just turned one.  Time goes by way too fast my dear girl  ...way too fast.  Cherish every minute of life and live it to its fullest in each and every moment.  One day, some of those moments will be gone forever and you will long for them.  Having lived completely in the moment with gratitude will help you remember.  I know that you can't read this now, but I hope that one day you will.   I know that you may never read this, and if that's the case I hope that you never have any question or doubt in your mind or your heart just how much you mean to me.

Little bird, I am sorry that I never got to say goodbye.  I was praying that I'd never have to.  I am sorry that I didn't get to tell you one last time how much I love you.  And I am sorry that I don't get to celebrate your birthday with you this year.  But please know that I am celebrating YOU.

Did you know that raising you with your daddy was every bit of the reason that I desired to be a mommy so deeply?  Yes, you are THAT special.  YOU are an AMAZING little girl, and I have no doubt that you will grow to be an even more awesome young lady and woman.  You are so, so smart and wise beyond your young years.  You are sweet and kind and more thoughtful than almost all of the little people I know (and most adults too). 

Some mornings as I lay in bed before opening my eyes, I imagine your sweet face peeking from around the corner, staring at me with a mischievous smile, looking at me lovingly as you wait for me to wake up to the sound of your giggles, just like you used to.  I am sad when I open my eyes and you are not there, but I am so grateful that I have those times to remember. 

I used to daydream about the day that you would put your hands on my pregnant belly and talk to your baby brother or sister and teach them all about God and Healing and Love.  But I hear you already are having a little sister!  How essssssssiting!  I remember how sweet you were with the newborn baby at Great Grandma when we went there two Christmases ago.  So gentle and yet, so protective.  You are going to be such an awesome big sister, lil bird.  You be sure to teach her all you know and watch out for her.  She's so lucky to have you.

I still daydream about one day in the future, running into you at a park or nail salon or somewhere when you notice the tattoo of us on my foot and remember that lady from a long, long time ago that used to date your dad - and I hope you are filled with love.  If it were up to me, I wouldn't have to wait for that day.  But when that day comes, I hope that you will say Hi to me and that I can hug you and tell you how much I love you and how much I've missed you and you can tell me about all of the amazing things you have done (I bet you'll be a dancer or a "modeler" or an actress You are such a HAM and a STAR).  I hope you remember me now and always, and never forget how LOVED and CHERISHED you are.  

Your mommy and daddy are so, so lucky to have you in their lives for always, and I am so, so blessed to have had you in my life at all.

Because of you, I've grown and discovered so much about myself.  I couldn't possibly sit and list all of the ways I want to thank you, so I thank you simply for being you.  You are perfect.  I love you my sweet little Emma.  
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