​

God answers all prayers. 

Sometimes it just does not look the way that we had envisioned. 

For example, I prayed to God to show me any areas in my life where I harbored resentment, and He revealed someones manipulative actions to me, so that I may work through that resentment.

I've been praying to God for a husband who knows, loves, and desires a relationship with Him, but first He's been molding me into the kind of wife that deserves a Godly husband by providing circumstances for me to be forgiving and situations for me to respond as Christ would.

I prayed for some kind of relief from being a 'single' mom to 3 littles day in and day out, (this past year has been some of the most challenging and loneliest - and most rewarding and fulfilling - days of my life), and my husband loses his job just a week and a half before Christmas.

There is glory in your tribulation.

I pray that you see your blessing in disguise, and that He fills your heart and your home this holiday.

Love in Christ,
​Missy

7:19.  7:19  7:19.  7:19  7:19.  7:19.

Every time Ive looked at the clock its been 7:19.  Twice a day.  Every day.  For the past couple of weeks.  7/19 is my grandmother's birthday.  I knew it was her coming through... and strong.  But why?  Why now?  After a little over a year since she passed...why NOW?  What is she trying to tell me?

And then it came to me.  Why now.  Why her birth date.  

Today is my Mama's birthday.  Grandma is wishing my mom Happy Birthday.

Ive also been seeing the name Maggie all over the place lately.  On the internet, Facebook, emails, and even people and conversations spoken - Maggie is sprinkled within my days as of late.  And I briefly wondered why, until I realized her first birthday is coming up.  Or rather, what would be her first birthday.

As much as I am at peace with her loss, I still feel compelled to talk about her.  To remember her.  To honor her.   I gained so much from her loss... but I still lost...

I lost my daughter's first smile.
The first time she rolled over.
I lost the look on my sweet girl's face when mommy soothed her tears.
I missed the way she nestles at my breast.
I missed her first steps ... And then every step after that of her running to my arms.
I missed my daughter burying her eager fists into her first birthday cake, then smearing chocolate frosting all over her cute little cheeks.
I missed the first day of preschool ... Kindergarten ... High school ... College.
I missed her honor roll report card.
I missed her first crush.
I missed her daddy-daughter dance.
I missed wedding dress shopping.
I missed watching my daughter become a mother.
A whole generation, a whole lifetime of memories, gone ... The instant my baby's heart stopped beating.
People will tell me I was lucky I was early. But I know and you know ... A baby in the womb is still a baby. They are the same person, no matter how developed they are or not... But when someone loses a child, they grieve for all the days and all the memories they'll never get to have.

I had wondered why God took my baby away.  But He didn't.  It was the enemy.  God brings life.

John 10:10
10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

But God...our glorious God took that attack from the enemy and used it for His good, to restore glory to His name.  As I began to take steps towards Him for comfort, he drew unto me and began a work in me and my soul.

Psalm 34:18
18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

Psalm 147:3
3 He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.

Before I became pregnant with Maggie, and especially after I lost her, I was pretty much living on coffee and amphetamine salts.  Running myself ragged chasing after tiny twin toddlers.  I had been using/self-prescribing amphetamine salts on and off since 2007.  Granted, I was taking the least I had ever consumed at that point, but it was clearly taking a toll on my life - I was the thinnest I had ever been, even considering my competition weights.  

I began getting messages from my angels about drug use. Many many messages.  Not crystal clear, but repetitive enough that I knew it was something of significance.  I clearly remember a vision about flushing drugs in a toilet.  I was suspecting my husband and accusing him.  I was ignorant to my own sins...judging others and not looking within.  After much gentle persuasion from the Holy Spirit, (being convicted - not condemned)  I was beginning to understand that it was me.  I started dropping to my knees before a picture of the Lord in the morning and praying for His approval, because I was justifying the use to hear my messages more clearly.  Nobody knew this of course.  This was between me and God.  Within just days of beginning to do that, a friend of mine had said something to me that finally brought home the point.  I cant remember the exact terminology for the behavior, but basically she had warned me about how the enemy can be so sneaky that he can trick us into sinning in the name of the Lord and make us believe that we are doing good  That was it for me.  I went home that day and flushed every last salt.

I can see how God used Maggie's loss to save me.  Her loss introduced me to His healing comfort and peace and He became my savior.   That story is just one of MANY which depicts the ways in which He has worked in me. 

Her birthday... Shared with the day of our Lord's birthday....or rather, the day that she should have been born....the day that He was born.... His spirit is birthed within me.